Finding the line between being nice and appearing flirtatious is a
very real struggle, and as girls, we probably won't ever get it
completely right (unless one of our male friends would be so kind as to
give us some more specific tips?). However, there are a few things we
have learned about male-female friendships, that have taught us what NOT
to do, if you don't like a guy, and don't want him to think that you
do. Don't...
1. Give him gifts.
Just don't do it. You're thinking, "Oh, this reminds me of my friend (insert name here) and it's (insert holiday, birthday, or big accomplishment here), I should get this for him." But often times, he's thinking, "Dude, she went out of her way to get this for me and spent her money on this for me, obviously she likes me." Every time I've given a guy an (unsolicited) gift, he's ended up assuming that I have a thing for him, when the reality is, I was just trying to be nice. I've seen other girls give their guy-friends gifts and it didn't seem like a big deal to me but the last few times I gave a guy something, they took it wrong, so I'd say that as a general rule, just don't give him stuff. Unless of course, you're going to a party or event where gifts are socially implied (i.e. birthday party, graduation party, etc.).
2. Share all your internal struggles and deep thoughts.
Ladies, let's be honest. We love to talk! And we love to share our lives with others; it's how we work. But when we open up to the point of telling guys all about the deeper parts of ourselves, it's sending them the wrong message. For us, the ability to share deep feelings and thoughts is somewhat a right of passage in friendship. When we feel comfortable enough to open up with someone, we take that as a sign of true friendship, but for guys, this can be a true sign that you are interested in more than friendship. Now, we're not saying this means you have to be on verbal lock-down, limiting yourself to conversation about the weather, we're just saying, keep tabs on what and how much information you disclose.
3. Text him all the time.
Again, we girls like to talk a lot. And for a lot of women, we'll talk to anyone who wants to talk and can go on for hours, no problem! But since guys aren't generally seen as big texters or even just talkers as we are, it's a good idea to limit the amount of texting you do. If a guy is interested, often times he'll take you texting him as a sign. He may think, "Wow! She keeps talking to me, which must mean she's totally interested." So to avoid this awkwardness, just don't do it too often!
4. Hang out one-on-one.
Most girls tend to disagree with this. They think, "I'm super good friends with this guy, and it's totally platonic. We're just friends, there's no issue of him thinking I like him!" Uh huh, and that's part of the problem. Trust us when we tell you this; it's happened to a lot of us girls! If you want to keep your friendship with a guy, hanging out one-on-one is not a smart idea. Going out somewhere with a guy, just the two of you, can come across as a precursor for dating. Now, in certain situations, hanging out with your guy friend when it's just the two of you can be okay, I'll admit that. But by and large, this sends a signal to a guy. A very strong signal. If you don't want him to pick up that signal, don't do it! If you're going to go somewhere and hang out with your guy friend one-on-one, you should be open to the possibility of having the "more than friends" talk sometime in the future. Because it probably will.
So there you have it! Our opinions on what girls should avoid doing, unless they are interested in a guy. Girls: what do you think of these? Guys: anything else we need to be aware of? What are some of your experiences?
1. Give him gifts.
Just don't do it. You're thinking, "Oh, this reminds me of my friend (insert name here) and it's (insert holiday, birthday, or big accomplishment here), I should get this for him." But often times, he's thinking, "Dude, she went out of her way to get this for me and spent her money on this for me, obviously she likes me." Every time I've given a guy an (unsolicited) gift, he's ended up assuming that I have a thing for him, when the reality is, I was just trying to be nice. I've seen other girls give their guy-friends gifts and it didn't seem like a big deal to me but the last few times I gave a guy something, they took it wrong, so I'd say that as a general rule, just don't give him stuff. Unless of course, you're going to a party or event where gifts are socially implied (i.e. birthday party, graduation party, etc.).
2. Share all your internal struggles and deep thoughts.
Ladies, let's be honest. We love to talk! And we love to share our lives with others; it's how we work. But when we open up to the point of telling guys all about the deeper parts of ourselves, it's sending them the wrong message. For us, the ability to share deep feelings and thoughts is somewhat a right of passage in friendship. When we feel comfortable enough to open up with someone, we take that as a sign of true friendship, but for guys, this can be a true sign that you are interested in more than friendship. Now, we're not saying this means you have to be on verbal lock-down, limiting yourself to conversation about the weather, we're just saying, keep tabs on what and how much information you disclose.
3. Text him all the time.
Again, we girls like to talk a lot. And for a lot of women, we'll talk to anyone who wants to talk and can go on for hours, no problem! But since guys aren't generally seen as big texters or even just talkers as we are, it's a good idea to limit the amount of texting you do. If a guy is interested, often times he'll take you texting him as a sign. He may think, "Wow! She keeps talking to me, which must mean she's totally interested." So to avoid this awkwardness, just don't do it too often!
4. Hang out one-on-one.
Most girls tend to disagree with this. They think, "I'm super good friends with this guy, and it's totally platonic. We're just friends, there's no issue of him thinking I like him!" Uh huh, and that's part of the problem. Trust us when we tell you this; it's happened to a lot of us girls! If you want to keep your friendship with a guy, hanging out one-on-one is not a smart idea. Going out somewhere with a guy, just the two of you, can come across as a precursor for dating. Now, in certain situations, hanging out with your guy friend when it's just the two of you can be okay, I'll admit that. But by and large, this sends a signal to a guy. A very strong signal. If you don't want him to pick up that signal, don't do it! If you're going to go somewhere and hang out with your guy friend one-on-one, you should be open to the possibility of having the "more than friends" talk sometime in the future. Because it probably will.
So there you have it! Our opinions on what girls should avoid doing, unless they are interested in a guy. Girls: what do you think of these? Guys: anything else we need to be aware of? What are some of your experiences?
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