Stuck on Me

    While I'm at it, I figured I'd post another poem real quick. Another struggle I've been having lately is getting stuck in my head. If you know me, you know that I think... a lot. I could honestly spend days alone with just me and my thoughts, contemplating life's great mysteries. This can be good, sometimes, in some ways, but it can also be dangerous.

    It was good for me toward the beginning of the month when my life could use a lot of re-thinking, but now I'm just making myself confused as I strongly relate to Solomon as he writes Ecclesiastes realizing that really, there isn't much that matters in life no matter how much you think about it. Lately I've been stuck in my thinking brain so much that I find it doing more harm than good for me, so I'm praying that Jesus would take the reigns and help me get out of that old brain of mine and just live in His grace (because Lord knows how much I need it).

It’s so easy to get stuck on me.

Stuck on me.

I am stuck on me.

As if the fall of man started on the “me tree.”

Stuck on you, and him, and her.

As if I could get things to go back to the way that things were.

Stuck on time, and stuck on space.

As if all the bad things, I could go back and erase.

Stuck on the beauty of the lives that I’ve lived

And stuck on the dreams that have died as I did.

Stuck on confusion.

Stuck on tiredness.

Stuck on all the things that make me sick of this!

But still, though I am stuck,

I must say, things are alright

Because I still have you to tuck me in every single night…

And you wake me up every morning,

And you walk me through every day,

And though sometimes I get hurt without warning,

I know that it’s okay.

Because I’m just stuck on me

I’m stuck on me

But you love me anyway,

And you will set my heart free.

It might be today,

Or it might be tomorrow.

But no matter the way,

I know that all of this sorrow

Was hung on him.

It was hung on him.

So in that, I can let go

and my new life can begin.

*[But oh God! Won’t you help me understand

Why I can’t get unstuck?

I know what I want to do,

but I can’t seem to get out of this rut.

I am stuck on me.

I am stuck on me.

And I’d like to be anywhere else,

As long as it’s where I should be.]

*The end is in brackets because it's somewhat an "extended ending." I like where it ends before that because I feel like it ends with a more finite and grateful resolution, but the reality is that the rest of it exists because just as I was finishing the writing, I realized that I was not very content with the knowledge I had or being where I was. Instead, I really did just want to be anywhere other than where I was at that moment even though I wish I could say I was finding contentment where I was, even if where I was wasn't perfect. But alas, I was not.

C'est la vie.

Live, Learn, Love, Leave a Legacy, & Stay Creative,

Emma