Stuck on Me

    While I'm at it, I figured I'd post another poem real quick. Another struggle I've been having lately is getting stuck in my head. If you know me, you know that I think... a lot. I could honestly spend days alone with just me and my thoughts, contemplating life's great mysteries. This can be good, sometimes, in some ways, but it can also be dangerous.

    It was good for me toward the beginning of the month when my life could use a lot of re-thinking, but now I'm just making myself confused as I strongly relate to Solomon as he writes Ecclesiastes realizing that really, there isn't much that matters in life no matter how much you think about it. Lately I've been stuck in my thinking brain so much that I find it doing more harm than good for me, so I'm praying that Jesus would take the reigns and help me get out of that old brain of mine and just live in His grace (because Lord knows how much I need it).

It’s so easy to get stuck on me.

Stuck on me.

I am stuck on me.

As if the fall of man started on the “me tree.”

Stuck on you, and him, and her.

As if I could get things to go back to the way that things were.

Stuck on time, and stuck on space.

As if all the bad things, I could go back and erase.

Stuck on the beauty of the lives that I’ve lived

And stuck on the dreams that have died as I did.

Stuck on confusion.

Stuck on tiredness.

Stuck on all the things that make me sick of this!

But still, though I am stuck,

I must say, things are alright

Because I still have you to tuck me in every single night…

And you wake me up every morning,

And you walk me through every day,

And though sometimes I get hurt without warning,

I know that it’s okay.

Because I’m just stuck on me

I’m stuck on me

But you love me anyway,

And you will set my heart free.

It might be today,

Or it might be tomorrow.

But no matter the way,

I know that all of this sorrow

Was hung on him.

It was hung on him.

So in that, I can let go

and my new life can begin.

*[But oh God! Won’t you help me understand

Why I can’t get unstuck?

I know what I want to do,

but I can’t seem to get out of this rut.

I am stuck on me.

I am stuck on me.

And I’d like to be anywhere else,

As long as it’s where I should be.]

*The end is in brackets because it's somewhat an "extended ending." I like where it ends before that because I feel like it ends with a more finite and grateful resolution, but the reality is that the rest of it exists because just as I was finishing the writing, I realized that I was not very content with the knowledge I had or being where I was. Instead, I really did just want to be anywhere other than where I was at that moment even though I wish I could say I was finding contentment where I was, even if where I was wasn't perfect. But alas, I was not.

C'est la vie.

Live, Learn, Love, Leave a Legacy, & Stay Creative,

Emma

A Sad Poem

      It's been forever since we've posted anything. Unfortunately, on my part, I know that it's because perfectionism has taken it's toll on me (in a bad way) lately and I haven't felt like I've had time to devote myself to anything "really good," so instead I've just tucked away my ideas and not written anything. Ironically, that literally defeats the purpose of why we created this blog, so here's a poem I just wrote right now because to be honest, my heart is feeling downcast and a little on the sad side right now. I'm bummed about various situations in life and wanting to work through them, while simultaenously having to work on life's physical tasks (4 hour dance rehearsal starts in 45 minutes). I couldn't let it all sit inside of me completely so I just dashed this (dashed? I don't think that's a real phrase, but I'll make it a thing) together real quick and decided that I should post it for the sake of keeping our mission alive and forcing myself to get over my perfectionist issues. 

     Granted, I know that hardly anyone will ever read this unless I share it on Facebook, and even then, my poetry posts don't tend to be as well recieved... but for you few and proud readers out there-- Hi. My name is Emma and I am sad. If you are sad too, know that you're not alone and that it's okay to just be sad sometimes :)

Have you ever felt so alone?

Like you have a great family,

But still no home…

Have you ever felt so confused?

Like what was once just okay,

Now, makes you feel… abused?

Have you ever felt so ashamed?

Like you know that you’re forgiven,

But you’ll never be the same…

Have you ever felt so numb?

Like you go 6 hours full of life,

and then in seconds, you have none.

Do you ever feel like me?

Like no matter what you do,

You’re just never meant to be?

Do you ever feel kind of lost?

Like no matter where you go,

It doesn’t matter. What’s the cost?

It’s not that I’m not loved…

Some people know my name…

I have everything in Christ…

But today it feels like it’s all in vain…

And I know that it’s not true, and you would try to change my mind

And tell me that it will all be okay in the end even though I’m feeling shocked inside

And I know that you’d mean well and I know that you’d be right,

But it wouldn’t mean that much to me because after every day, follows a night

And the cycle goes on and on and on until the cycle has no end

And here I am all by myself, hanging out with Jesus, my best friend

And I love him, yes I do. For he has allowed this pain in my heart.

And even before I was born, he knew I’d be writing these words from the start.

So who am I kidding? No matter what I feel,

I guess it always comes back to the fact that the Creator who loves me is incredibly real.

And he is good and he is great and he is mighty,

His power will save me

And he is big and he is strong

And he will help me when the days are long

And when my friends find themselves a replacement,

And my heart gets stomped on the ground,

And when I get [somewhat] stitched back together but I’m still not okay, it’s okay ‘cause he’s found,

That I am beautiful even though I am ugly and I am wonderful even though I am bad,

And I am whole even though I am broken and I am His even when I am sad.

“The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?”

Psalm 27:1


Live, Learn, Love, Leave a Legacy, & Stay Creative
Emma