The Oreo Speaks

There's simply something about being black that no white person will ever understand. 

I've tried to explain it many times, but in the end, I can't quite find the words... so to all of you white people out there, you just have to trust me in believing that there is an intangible difference between white people and black people and you'll never really get it, but that's okay. It is what it is. I feel like I have the authority to say this because I am black and I am white and I've seen and heard and understand things in a way that I believe no only white and no only black person can understand. Being a carmel baby really gives you the ability to empathize (not just sympathize) with both groups. Unfortunately, even then, I can only empathize so much because I have never been 'completely' white and I've never been 'completely' black either. I have only experienced some of the privleges and disadvantages of both types of people and therefore cannot completely empathize with either. 

Good thing God understands us all, eh?

The majority of people I am around are very much of the WASP derivative, and though I fit in with that group most of the time. It's moments like this-- when I hear about men like Martese Johnson-- that make me feel so alone because I know that no matter how often I think that I am on the same page with the people around me, I know that we will never really understand each other. 
I haven't seen the comments yet, but I can imagine the thousands of people searching and speculating in every way they can to figure out what Martese did to deserve the beating he recieved. And I have seen the many comments that say "this is only in the news because he's black, this happens all the time to white people too, it's just never sensationalized." And though I'm sure there is an element (whether a small or large element) of truth to both sentiments, I still firmly agree that this instance is a moment for our country to recognize that there is a problem and racism against black people does exist. I'm tired of hearing people claim that, "We have a black president now, so therefore there is no such thing as racism against black people," or "Look at Oprah! If she's black and successful, all black people can make it too with equal opportunity, as long as they aren't lazy and don't sag their pants." 

The truth is, there is still a lot of racism against black people but it takes a very different form than it did in the past. Don't get me wrong, I definitely believe we have made major progress in racial relations between black and white people from the beginning of our country until now. So don't view my words as a hate speech or some sort of "our country is on the fast track to hell" sentiment. Rather, I simply do not think that we have a good reason to stop trying to make progress just because we're at a "good" place. I don't desire goodness, I desire greatness, and I believe that greatness is possible-- especially when you consider the fact that no matter how good or even great things get, improvements will always be necessary when it comes to American culture. We must remember that change doesn't happen from the outside in, it starts from the inside out-- meaning you and I need to be the change. *Refer to the bottom of this post for disclaimers and further explainations.

First, I would like to identify a few (only a few) ways that prejudice is physically prevelant toward black people in our (American) culture today. Then, I would like to propose a few ideas of how we can change our mindset and be the change that we'd like to see in the world. Are you game?

From a young age, we (westerners) are taught that black is not beautiful. "Hold up, hold up," you say as you start listing your top 5 favorite black celebrities and pick out the 2 or 3 black friends that you think are physically attractive. Yes it's true there are MANY black men and women who are deemed beautiful by our society, however, unfortunately a good number of them are black people with white features. "Say whaaaaaat????" You're thinking... Yeah. You heard me. 

Usher (Google)

Let me explain-- many of the black people that we deem beautiful in our culture are people that have the 'black' skin color or culture but are deemed beautiful because of their caucasian-like features. For example--

Beyoncé (Google)

Jennifer Hudson (Google)

Many of my white friends would consider the people above to be attractive and many of my black friends would agree. But let's look at this for a second and consider some of the facts about these 'beautiful black people.'

1. Beyonce' is a mixed chick like me. Most people assume that she's 'completely black' but she is not. Here's an interesting statement from the writer Touré in Rolling Stone, 

“Beyoncé has become a crossover sex symbol a la Halle Berry, a black girl who's not so overwhelmingly Nubian that white people don't appreciate her beauty." 

That's not necessarily a bad thing, but why can't someone be "overwhelmingly Nubian" and still be considered beautiful by white people? I think there are many reasons why, but regardless, I think we should try to change that. Many people will talk about the differences of being black, versus being "straight from the heart of Africa black." My question is, why can't someone be "straight from the heart of Africa" and be considered beautiuful by our society?

2. The hair. 

Alright so Usher doesn't really count because he's a guy and men's hair is it's own topic, but look at Jennifer Hudsons hair for a second and take a moment to realize that THIS IS NOT naturally BLACK PEOPLE HAIR. Okay? Okay. Good. Especially some of my friends who have grown up in Colorado Springs don't understand the concept of wigs and weave, so I felt the need to highlight this. Another white person feature that our culture tends to relate to 'beautiful' black people is white people hair. If you don't know the difference or some of the hair vocabulary mentioned above, Google it.

Image via Google

3. Nose. Slim nose for the win, no doubt about it. Many black people have big noses, often times the media we see does not portray such people as culturally 'beautiful.' That's all.

4. Lighter is better. Generally speaking (as this whole post is generally speaking because there are always exceptions to rules) if you're "black" but of a lighter variety in skin tone, you're generally afforded more opportunities and seen as more culturally beautiful. An interesting article I read on the BBC News website says,

"In many parts of Africa and Asia, lighter-skinned woman are considered more beautiful, are believed to be more successful and more likely to find marriage." 

How sad...

Those of you that know me know that I am pretty light skinned. Believe it or not, I don't even really look like your typical mixed chick. This is because I actually have a lot of other ethnicities in my family and many more than two racial types in my blood. I usually just tell people that I'm 50/50 because my dad's skin is black, my mom's skin is white, and that's what I identify with culturally, so it simplifies things to explain it that way.

Photo by Mixed Chicks

Even amongst bi-racial kids I'm pretty different so many people stare me down, trying to figure out what race I am. Not gunna lie, it's kind of funny to watch when that happens.

Overall I don't mind being different at all, and I used to think that I never minded. But when I really began to think about some of the decisions I've made throughout life, I've realized that my perceptions of race have played a larger factor in my decisions than I originally thought. (Probably because so many of the thoughts and stereotypes I had were subconcious).

I remember one summer when I was a little girl, I was afraid to go outside for long periods of time because I thought that if I stayed in the sun too long, I would get "too black" and it would make me ugly. I would stay inside if I could and wear insane amounts of sunscreen if I went outside. Obviously, I had some pretty big misunderstandings about the concept of tanning, but still, as an 8 year old girl, these thoughts had to come from somewhere-- didn't they?

Yours Truly; Photo by Laurel Burlew

My answer is yes. Our subconscious misunderstandings don't pop out of thin air.

Having said that, I definitely believe that the media plays a huge role in shaping these perceptions but not necessarily in overt ways. When were you ever straight up told that black people aren't beautiful? Maybe you have been, but many of you have likely never heard that from the media. However, when have you been told that black people are beautiful--even when they don't have the features of white people? In fact, I tried to find pictures of the type of non-white, black people that I'm thinking of on the internet, but the only thing I could find were pictures of white-black people (i.e. people with black skin but fake hair and little noses). Not that those people aren't beautiful (of course) but the point I am trying to make is that they aren't the only black people who are beautiful.

I remember watching a movie at my friends house once. While we were waiting to start the movie the menu screen was showing the various characters. I was with a group of all girls, mind you, so all the girls were being so squirrley and excited as they talked about their celebrity crushes. However, when the picture of one of the two black men in the entire movie showed up, there was complete silence. In fact, it was kind of awkward because we all knew that the reason everyone was being silent was because the dude is black. Then when one of my friends said, "He's kind of cute too..." my other friend mentioned "eh, he's cute I guess-- for a black guy." 

OUCH.

"For a black guy? What is that supposed to mean?" I asked her.

Then she tried to dig herself out of a hole by saying, "Well, I just don't really like black people."

OUCH again! Right through the heart! The teeny me inside my head was screaming, "Um-- HELLO!-- I am a black person!!!"

The real me simply said, "Well, I'm black" to which she replied, "oh yeah, but not you. Just other black people..." and then she continued to try to dig herself out of that hole by saying things that I will not repeat for the sanity of mankind.

It is also important to recognize that many of the stereotypes about black people do come from an element of truth. The amount of fatherlessness, abuse, gang activity, etc. is typically higher in black communities. However, if you've ever taken a sociology class and have learned about the various factors for these statistics, you'll realize that there is a cycle of hopelessness surrounding specific communities that tend to be made up of minorities. The best thing that can be done to change this is when such communities recieve help from the people who see the root causes of the problems to break the cycle for good, as opposed to the quick "help" of time in jail and public shame. If you think about the orgin of black people in America, it makes sense for these statistics to exist. Though what I am trying to help you recognize is that just because someone is black does not mean that they are a statistic, because the many of them are not.

Now I've been the recipient of many backhanded compliments and ignorant remarks on a daily basis, but one of the biggest things I've noticed is that this mindset that's been created, whether by history, by the media, or stereotypes with an element of truth is rarely just a 'racist mindset.' I have met people who are just plain racist, but very few people. The majority of people that I know who say ignorant things about what it means to be black, don't say it because they hate black people, rather because they have been trained to believe certain things and simply don't know any different.

One of the hardest things for me to admit is that I've noticed that I do tend to be more afraid for my safety around a group of black people than I do in a group of white people and there is no acceptable reason for this in most cases. I am faster to stereotype black people than I am white people, and I tend to notice black people first as a black person and second just as a person. You can probably only imagine the amount of shame I have in admitting that and I am not proud to recognize those statements as truth. In fact, it saddens my heart. Why do I have these prejudices against my own people? These are all mindsets and heart conditions that I am working to change. Majorly. 

This leads me to my first point in a call to action, which is--

1. Recognize your prejudices, then combat them: You don't have to publicly share your prejudices on the internet like I just did, but be aware of your conversations, be mindful of your thoughts, and recognize the stereotypes and portrayals of black people in the media so that it might be easier to seperate fact from fiction when you need to. Then when you see someone coming and recognize what pre-existing notions you might have had, set them aside and approach the person with a fresh perspective. Even if you view yourself as a very tolerant and accepting person, think about it enough and your subconcious prejudices will come to light. Often times we even hold ourselves back due to prejudices about our own race. In communications this concept is known as internalized racism.

Another way you can be a part of the progress in race relations in America is to 

2. Be a part of diverse culture: When I lived in Washington D.C. there were SO many different types of people constantly around me that I didn't tend to seperate them out very much. I just thought of all people as people. However, when I moved to Colorado and found myself living in a place where I was often the darkest skinnned person in any given setting, it shed more light on the idea that someone else was "different" from me and that I was "different" from them. 

     On one particular trip back to D.C. I remember picking up my brother from school and seeing all the kids coming out. Unbelievably, I found myself sub-conciously counting the number of black children that I saw, simply because I was astonished. I had been in a community full of white people for so long that it really highlighted the fact that there are people who are "different" from the group that I had been used to, almost like the seeing someone you've heard stories about but never met in real life. I was honestly quite ashamed that I had noticed, let alone counted, the kids that I saw because they were "different," when just years ago when I had lived there I never saw someone's skin color before I saw them.
      Even if you do live in a predominantly caucasian place, find groups you can be a part of or places you can go to see diversity on a more regular basis. For example, many people aren't aware that there are many ESL groups and refugee camps in their area which provides a space of more diversity. I also noticed that different parts of town have more diverse groups and when I had a job at a gym, I was more likely to see more diverse groups because fitness unites people (I suppose?). Bottom line, make it happen, because you can. 

   

Having said all of this, I am so thankful for who I am, and though it feels lonely sometimes, I am so thankful to be able to see the world from such a different perspective than many of the people I know as a black and white person. In many ways that I can't explain, and probably in more ways than I know, my racial identity has shaped a great part of who I am and I am so so so so very thankful for the way that God has been able to use me to relate to people all over the world in unique ways because of the color of my skin.

I hope that you have learned something from this post (or at least have been given something to contemplate) and I encourage you to open up this conversation and continue to be the change you want to see in the world.

Thank you!

Live, Learn, Love, and Leave a Legacy,

Emma

*Disclaimers and side notes--
I am very aware of the racism and inequality that circles immigrants and other people of other races, including white people, but I feel that because there are so many different types of racism and the situations are both very similar and very very different between them, I would like to narrow the focus of this post to being about black and white. Especially because these are the two sides of me that I feel are consistently at war with each other and something that hardly anyone likes to bring up.  I am not trying to make it seem as if that's a bad thing, I just believe that we need to have the oreo talk and I haven't seen many people that I know getting it started, so I wanted to iniate something.

Another important thing to note is that this post is VERY broad. As mentioned, there are exceptions to every rule and a lot of grey areas in moral topics. Trust me, I know about grey area-- I was practically born one. So please don't take the absolute statements I made and assume that I meant them all as absolutes.

Also, there is honestly SO much more that I could say about this post but I simply don't have time to write it all so I focused on some smaller areas. If you have specific questions, feel free to ask or contact me. 

And lastly... if you disagree with me about something(s) and would like to bring that to my attention, I appreciate it, but please be kind. That's all I ask.