Boys--believe it or not, there is a right way and a wrong way to go about asking out a girl. In a collaboration by Emma and Laurel, here are things you should NOT do if you want to ask a girl out. Do not...
1) Send her anonymous gifts.
You're thinking, "Hey, she likes flowers! I'll send her flowers. But I'll keep it anonymous." The girl is thinking, "Uhmm, some random person sent me flowers and I have no clue who...that's creepy... Is this a serial killer signal? Do I need to hire body guards?" Gifts are cool, but just put your name on the dang tag. Actually, having said that, if we don't know you well, that's going to be creepy whether it's anonymous or not... So rephrase to, only send her a gift if you know her pretty well and are going somewhere with it.
Key tip: Hopefully you know her well enough to be aware of what her love languages are, because for some people who aren't super huge gift people *ahem both of us,* asking her out by giving her something will just freak her out in general. She may not even like gifts, unless it's Christmas or a birthday or something. And on the opposite side of the spectrum, there are those girls who are just plain gold diggers who will only stick around because you gave them a gift. Bottom line-- tread softly with gifts.
2) Pour out your soul to her.
This is something that, while we love to grow in deeper relationships with people, you should really save until after you two are dating. Opening up with someone by telling them everything you feel about them is kind of a big deal. I mean, it takes a lot of guts to open up such personal information to somebody, so pouring out your soul (in conversation, in an email, in a letter, etc.) is ultimately a way of trusting part of your heart to someone. Unfortunately, if you're not dating, she might not be ready to be put in such an intimate situation. Once you tell someone every lingering detail of how you feel about them, there's no turning back, and it's a lot of pressure to figure out how to deal with the information, even if she likes you back. If you're asking her out or letting her know you view her as more than a friend, just tell her those facts and leave it at that. If the feeling is mutual and you end up in a relationship, then and only then can you proceed and give more details about "the longing of your soul," and whatever else you have to say that would otherwise sound creepy.
3) Talk to her via electronics when you don't know her well.
This sounds a bit weird; most people talk via texting, facebook, or other social media nowadays. But to a girl, if you're consistently trying to talk to her online when she hardly knows you in person, it'll freak her out. When you want to get to know her better, try doing so through face-to-face communication. Then, once you have a pretty basic friendship (i.e. you know the basis of her family, education/work, living situation, and vice versa) it probably wouldn't be creepy to go for electronic conversation, but even then, don't be that person that texts her every waking moment. And a key tip: if you keep sending messages, and she doesn't respond, it's because she doesn't want to-- you probably need to keep working on that "getting-to-know-you-in-person" thing. Also, keep in mind that if she wants to talk to you, she will. You don't have to force a conversation.
4) Talk about her to everyone you know (except her)!
Okay, this is a major NO. Seriously, guys. If you like a girl, you're free and welcome to tell her. The worst she'll say is that she's not interested in you in that way, and if you really care about each other otherwise, you can still be friends. When you talk to everybody who'll listen and tell the whole world you are in love with this girl but never even tell her this information, it's going to send her running for the hills! It's almost like that "pouring-of-your-soul" incident--in her mind, you went from "Wow! I'm so happy I have this great friend," to "Oh my gosh, he was planning to have my children!!" in 0-3 seconds. It can come off almost predatory at this time because it seems like you've had intentions for her that everyone else knew about and expected, but she had no say in the matter. Also, girls can get offended that you are essentially sharing this deep information with everyone except her. Uh, hello? Is there a reason you told some random guy you're in love with me while keeping me in the dark? Just keep your feelings of love between you and your best bros, rather than everyone you know...
5) Call it "hanging out."
If you want to hang out, cool! Girls will, in their minds, see it as just that. Two friends hanging out, nothing going on between you. If you want to ask her out, ask her out. On a date. Don't think we're joking when we say this. We have both experienced this for ourselves, and it just doesn't end well... ever! In this day and age where it is socially acceptable for girls and guys to be "just friends" (supposedly), even if we're attracted to you, we will see you as a friend until you mention otherwise, and all friends "hang out." So if we're just friends, let's "hang out," but if this is something more in your mind, you. must. call. it. a. date. And don't try to find loopholes by saying, "Fine, I'll ask her to 'chill' instead," there are no loopholes, and you're deceiving yourself if you think you can find one. Don't be afraid to ask; it'll mean less confusion and better communication, which is a big plus for girls.
To the ladies out there...did we miss anything? What things should guys not do if they are interested in asking you out?
1) Send her anonymous gifts.
You're thinking, "Hey, she likes flowers! I'll send her flowers. But I'll keep it anonymous." The girl is thinking, "Uhmm, some random person sent me flowers and I have no clue who...that's creepy... Is this a serial killer signal? Do I need to hire body guards?" Gifts are cool, but just put your name on the dang tag. Actually, having said that, if we don't know you well, that's going to be creepy whether it's anonymous or not... So rephrase to, only send her a gift if you know her pretty well and are going somewhere with it.
Key tip: Hopefully you know her well enough to be aware of what her love languages are, because for some people who aren't super huge gift people *ahem both of us,* asking her out by giving her something will just freak her out in general. She may not even like gifts, unless it's Christmas or a birthday or something. And on the opposite side of the spectrum, there are those girls who are just plain gold diggers who will only stick around because you gave them a gift. Bottom line-- tread softly with gifts.
2) Pour out your soul to her.
This is something that, while we love to grow in deeper relationships with people, you should really save until after you two are dating. Opening up with someone by telling them everything you feel about them is kind of a big deal. I mean, it takes a lot of guts to open up such personal information to somebody, so pouring out your soul (in conversation, in an email, in a letter, etc.) is ultimately a way of trusting part of your heart to someone. Unfortunately, if you're not dating, she might not be ready to be put in such an intimate situation. Once you tell someone every lingering detail of how you feel about them, there's no turning back, and it's a lot of pressure to figure out how to deal with the information, even if she likes you back. If you're asking her out or letting her know you view her as more than a friend, just tell her those facts and leave it at that. If the feeling is mutual and you end up in a relationship, then and only then can you proceed and give more details about "the longing of your soul," and whatever else you have to say that would otherwise sound creepy.
3) Talk to her via electronics when you don't know her well.
This sounds a bit weird; most people talk via texting, facebook, or other social media nowadays. But to a girl, if you're consistently trying to talk to her online when she hardly knows you in person, it'll freak her out. When you want to get to know her better, try doing so through face-to-face communication. Then, once you have a pretty basic friendship (i.e. you know the basis of her family, education/work, living situation, and vice versa) it probably wouldn't be creepy to go for electronic conversation, but even then, don't be that person that texts her every waking moment. And a key tip: if you keep sending messages, and she doesn't respond, it's because she doesn't want to-- you probably need to keep working on that "getting-to-know-you-in-person" thing. Also, keep in mind that if she wants to talk to you, she will. You don't have to force a conversation.
4) Talk about her to everyone you know (except her)!
Okay, this is a major NO. Seriously, guys. If you like a girl, you're free and welcome to tell her. The worst she'll say is that she's not interested in you in that way, and if you really care about each other otherwise, you can still be friends. When you talk to everybody who'll listen and tell the whole world you are in love with this girl but never even tell her this information, it's going to send her running for the hills! It's almost like that "pouring-of-your-soul" incident--in her mind, you went from "Wow! I'm so happy I have this great friend," to "Oh my gosh, he was planning to have my children!!" in 0-3 seconds. It can come off almost predatory at this time because it seems like you've had intentions for her that everyone else knew about and expected, but she had no say in the matter. Also, girls can get offended that you are essentially sharing this deep information with everyone except her. Uh, hello? Is there a reason you told some random guy you're in love with me while keeping me in the dark? Just keep your feelings of love between you and your best bros, rather than everyone you know...
5) Call it "hanging out."
If you want to hang out, cool! Girls will, in their minds, see it as just that. Two friends hanging out, nothing going on between you. If you want to ask her out, ask her out. On a date. Don't think we're joking when we say this. We have both experienced this for ourselves, and it just doesn't end well... ever! In this day and age where it is socially acceptable for girls and guys to be "just friends" (supposedly), even if we're attracted to you, we will see you as a friend until you mention otherwise, and all friends "hang out." So if we're just friends, let's "hang out," but if this is something more in your mind, you. must. call. it. a. date. And don't try to find loopholes by saying, "Fine, I'll ask her to 'chill' instead," there are no loopholes, and you're deceiving yourself if you think you can find one. Don't be afraid to ask; it'll mean less confusion and better communication, which is a big plus for girls.
To the ladies out there...did we miss anything? What things should guys not do if they are interested in asking you out?
Love love love love love this. How different would the world be if every guy read this post? VERY DIFFERENT.
ReplyDeleteLOL! We like to think so too....
DeleteOh men... can't live with 'em, and can't... "hang out."
Another would be to accept the “no", if she doesn't want to go out with you. Otherwise, your friendship could be ruined.
ReplyDeleteThat is a great one to add!! We have certainly had our experiences with that one, too.
Delete