Attack of the Chipmunks:
A Satirical Comedy
by Michaela Johnson and Laurel Burlew
The year was
1924. It was a warm summer day on the
first of July. Two 19-year-olds went out
for a picnic around noon. They went
looking for an adventure at a nearby forest by the regional lake.
“Perfect day for a
picnic, wouldn’t you say?” Remarked
Annalise as they picked out a spot by the stream that fed into the lake.
“Why yes, Anna dear,
we couldn’t have done better with timing.”
Replied Sophia Grace with a smile of contentment. As they spread out the picnic blanket, the
friends unpacked a plethora of snacks and two very chilled iced teas. It was the perfect start to a tremendous
afternoon. The sound of the rushing
water coupled with the ominous clouds created a serene feel to the
landscape. It was the perfect day for an
adventure; then again, every day is, but this day the ambiance was
perfect. Yes, this day was the perfect
day for an adventure.
They young women set
out to spelunk and work up an appetite at a nearby cave at the lakeside. Upon arrival at their site of exploration,
they happened upon a quaint sight: there amongst their finger sandwiches sat an
innocent-looking chipmunk. This chipmunk was rather a corpulent looking
creature with lineament features.
“Oh, isn’t that the
most charming creature?” exclaimed Sophia Grace.
“Why yes; what a refined
little thing.”
As Anna spoke those
words, the chipmunk looked up from its feast of finger sandwiches and locked
eyes onto the girls. Mesmerized, the
girls fondly beheld the captivating sight of the small creature with food half
stuffed in its mouth, staring at them.
“We must have been
gone for quite some time,” Annalise laughed; “the little buggar has already
finished my crumpets.”
“At least he has not
touched our iced tea!”
“Very true, dear, at
least we can find solace in that. But,
whatever shall we eat now? I was so
looking forward to our delightful picnic.”
“Well, it would
appear that this little nuisance is enjoying our picnic well enough. It should be taught a lesson in touching
homo-sapiens’ foodstuff!”
With that being said,
the girls drew near to the varmint, aiming to shoo it away from their delicious
lunches—or, at least, what was left of them.
So they started forward in pursuit of it. As they drew near, the chipmunk became more
aware of an imminent threat and stood on his haunches, swallowing the food and
eyeing the girls with ferocity.
Sophia Grace
hesitated. “Dear Annalise, I do believe
this creature wishes to louse us up!”
“Do not fret, Sophia
Grace, he is but a harmless, unintelligent rodent who knows nothing and wishes
us no such ill will.” With that being
said, Annalise proceeded.
But alas, the
creature reared up, ready to strike the intruders of his domain. Unable to listen to the council of her friend,
Annalise was struck by the fierce little chipmunk as he launched himself at her
face. Sophia Grace stood in astonishment
at such a vulgar sight—could it be that her friend was being assaulted?
As Sophia Grace
rushed forward to the aid of her friend, she was detained by an air strike of
acorns being shot down upon her from within the trees. They pelted down, as if to make a statement. Sophia Grace dared to look up, and beheld the
most peculiar sight. Dozens—nay, hundreds—of
chipmunks prevented her from reaching her friend Annalise. Annalise, meanwhile, was at the mercy of the villainous
chipmunk that took to clawing at her face.
She was barely able to keep it from gouging out her crystal blue eyes,
and could not hold on much longer.
Just in time, a
handsome dark hobo came to her aid and fearlessly ripped the chipmunk her from
face and threw it into the lake. But no
sooner had he saved her from tyranny did he himself find that there were two
more, leaping from the treetops and latching themselves onto his legs, to
avenge their friend. This had given
Annalise just enough time to rush to her friend, grab her hand, and proceed
forward to the lake.
The hobo trailed
behind, limping after beating off the chipmunks—they had bruised and bloodied
him badly, but he was a survivor. He
pointed out to the ladies a canoe that rested on the waterside, along the other
side of the lake. The trio dashed off to
the canoe as quickly as their tired, bruised legs could carry them. A rain of acorns followed them, relentlessly hitting
them on their heads and shoulders. War
cries of chipmunks young and old rang out through the forest, and the girls
knew that this may be their last moment.
But as this thought passed, they reached the canoe and were able to row
to the safety of the open waters.
As they took a breath
of relief and examined their injuries, they heard the eerie sound of roaring
water. But they were not alarmed at
this, for they were more concerned with the physical state they were in. Poor Annalise was bleeding profusely from
cuts she received by the instigator.
Sophia Grace was already showing signs of bruises all over her perfect
ivory complexion. And the brave hobo,
who shall not be named for the sake of his safety, could very well have lost a
leg from the vicious attacks against him.
“Listen,” The hobo
warned, “I have run into these monstrous creatures before. What may, on the exterior, appear to be a
cute and cuddly chipmunk, is in reality a dangerous and bloodthirsty enemy of
us homo-sapiens. They cannot swim, and
so we are safe. As long as follow this
lake to the river head, we shall be spared.”
What the trio did not
foresee was that, between the lake and the river lay a waterfall. This masterpiece of flowing glossy water,
though beautiful, was in itself filled with danger. While the group escaped the attacks from the
unknowable chipmunks, they were headed straight in the direction of this
powerful flow of water.
The last we saw of
these, the hobo was shouting at the top of his lungs, urging the girls to
attempt to row away from the waterfall.
But to no avail—they plummeted off the water’s edge into the unknown
below.
To be continued…
