"Tears of Joy"

I wrote this shortly after having surgery, back in January.  What supposedly does not happen to the majority of people while under general anesthesia happened to me-- it was very personal, very powerful.  And it was definitely a God thing!

Tears of Joy
A True Story by Laurel Burlew

    My hands were sweaty, my heart was racing.  I knew it wasn't life-threatening or anything, but surgery still freaked me out.  I had never been put under general anesthesia before, but I was assured that it would be easy.  More than that, it would be quick.  I would barely notice being asleep before waking up again.  Everyone told me it would feel like I closed my eyes for a few seconds, then I'd be awake.  No dreams or anything.  Literally every person I know who has been under that anesthesia told me the same thing.
    So I tried my best to relax, because I had been told what to expect.  I kept repeating verses in my head, like 1 Peter 5:7 and all of Psalm 121.  It helped with the nerves.  Nurses came in and out, getting me ready for surgery by giving me an IV and setting me up in one of those great hospital gowns.
    Mom and Dad were sitting right there, silently praying for me.  And not only them, but I could feel the honest prayers of many that day.  Many of my friends and family were praying-- I mean really praying-- for me.  I knew, in my head, that God's hand would be on the operation.  But, it still didn't quite settle my heart, because I was genuinely worried.  My anxiety is something I struggle with from time to time.  When strange situations come up in life, I tend to worry.
    The doctor came in to my little waiting room, marked which knee would be operated on, and it began to feel even more real.  The anesthesiologist came in shortly afterwards, to give me a nerve block.  Before the block, however, he gave me something so that I would feel drowsy and wouldn't remember the nerve block.  It worked; I don't remember any of it at all.  After that, I had surgery.  Obviously I don't remember any of it.  And it went well; took the doctor an hour and a half to re-align my patella, move part of my tibia, and insert two screws.
    They were wrong, though.  I didn't feel like I was just asleep for a second; I had a dream.  I was not expecting to, but it happened all the same.  The dream was so vivid, so alive when it was happening.  When I woke up, it began to fade away, as all dreams do.  But I still, and will always, remember the important bits.  I saw God.  Not like I see other people in dreams; I couldn't really "see" Him with my eyes.  He is too magnificent for that, I think.  But everything around Him was light, and He shone.  More than anything I've ever seen before.
    He talked to me.  He told me that He had me, that He has me, and that I don't need to worry.  At all, ever.  It was one of the times where I have felt God so much...it moved me.  I woke up in tears.  The nurses told me that it happens to people sometimes, that they wake up in tears after anesthesia.  When asked, I told them I was in pain; my knee hurt.  It really did.  But at that moment, I wasn't crying because of pain.  It wasn't anything like that.
    I was crying because my Lord an Savior spoke to me, in a personal and amazing way.  And it was the most beautiful thing; my heart was overwhelmed and overflowing.  I know that my Redeemer lives.  I knew, in that minute, that He will never leave or forsake me.  If I ever had doubts, they are wiped away by His loving hand. 

Even just re-reading what I wrote that day (I wrote this on Feb. 6th), I am overwhelmed yet again and reminded of how awesome and powerful God is.  I think it's amazing that such a big God, who created the universe and holds it all in one hand, can come down and so intimately impact one person's life.
It's times like this when I want to find a hill, climb it, and yell on the top of my lungs how great our God is.  I want everyone to know the power of His love; I want people to repent and come to Him, so that He can make them white as snow.  While I may not be able to climb a hill right now, I am definitely going to take some time to rejoice and read His word, to pray, and to be in fellowship with others today.
How about you?  How will you express your love and gratitude towards God?  In what ways has He impacted your life the most? 

~Laurel